Whew! What a summer. Six weeks later, I am finally back from yet another life changing summer with Royal Servants. Thank you so much for your prayer and support investment in my summer. It was amazing to see God provide for all my needs continually throughout the summer. Since I was a discipleship group leader this summer, I spent two weeks at Training Camp instead of just one. This first week was a good time for me to refocus and renew my soul and prepare to overflow into the students on the team and the people overseas. For those of you who don’t know, I was originally planning on traveling to Costa Rica this summer, but when my mentor and former team leader (from my Scotland 2007 team) switched to be Senior Staff on the Ireland team, I followed her. Being under strong discipleship from one of my trusted friends was more important to me then the location of where I would be serving.

Four amazing girls were placed in my discipleship group. Even though they were each from different parts of the United States with different backgrounds and life stories, they quickly bonded and became close friends. “KKESA,” as we coined ourselves (coming from each of our first initials) became a safe haven of accountability and discipleship as we continued to grow closer throughout the summer. Watching them open their hearts to God and be used by him in amazing ways was so encouraging. It was a challenge and new experience for me to lead these girls, but God used them in my life just as much as I was able to pour into them.

In both Northern Ireland and London we used many different forms of ministry to reach the people. One of our team mottos was, “Everything we do is a point of contact in which to build a relationship.” This became true as we did our dramas on the street, Holiday Clubs (like a VBS), after-school programs, picking up garbage around the community, teen outreach, sharing testimonies, etc. It was our goal to use every single thing we did, whether big or small, to build relationships with people. Because of this mindset, coupled with the length of time that we were in each location, many people on our team came away with significant relationships. Some of my favorite moments from the summer came from the conversations I had with several of the Irish teenagers. Being able to connect and honestly talk about spiritual issues opened up many opportunities for the Gospel to be spread.

God used our team to do great things this summer in Northern Ireland and London. He also significantly refreshed and renewed my life to be closer to him. As I prepare to go back to Bryan College for another two years of school, I’m ready for the challenge of living dynamically and enthusiastically for Christ in college and beyond.

t-minus...

24 hours from now I will be stepping onto a plane and beginning my trek up to Chicago for Training Camp. Last night I got everything packed into my blue pack...and it looks like it all fits. Well, except for my little blue pillow and random toiletries, but I'm sure I can squeeze that in somewhere. I'm so glad I'm a pro at packing. lol

btw...all mailing info has been updated on the facebook group. so check that out if you want to send me precious mail. :)

All my support for my trip has come in!!! This is a big deal people...I really didn't know if I'd be able to raise the $3,500 I would need. God totally provided in big ways. I'm still waiting to see if I can get extra for my domestic plane tickets, but I have my actual trip taken care of. I'm so stoked about that. It takes a huge weight off my shoulders. God really is the only one who can get any credit...it definitely wasn't because of anything I did.

I have so much on my mind. That may have been why I couldn't go to sleep for the longest time last night. I finally just had to force myself to sleep. I'm kinda nervous I'm gonna forget to pack something, or something important that has to be done before I leave. But all I can do is what I remember. So hopefully that's good enough.

Well, I should get out of bed and begin to accomplish things today. The next thing on here will probably be something like a trip recap.

Cheers!

-Erika

let the countdown begin

I leave for my summer mission's trip in exactly one week.  Actually by now I'd be in the air on my way to Chicago for Training Camp.  I'm excited...and nervous...and pretty much all emotions actually.

I am still waiting to hear from (at least) two churches about financial support and also numerous people that I've sent letters to.  I'm actually going to send out some more letters today, bringing my grand total close to (or maybe even over) 100 support letters sent out.  I'm praying that people would receive them, and quickly realize that they should support me this summer.  :)  It's definitely forcing me to trust God completely with this trip right now, since I still need quite a bit of money.  He can do anything...I'm confident of that!

The pile of things on my couch keeps growing as I gather things and make trips to Wal-Mart.  Everything is getting labeled, organized, and packed into Ziplock bags...and eventually into my blue pack (aka large duffel bag..with room left for Garrett and Brian.  lol).  I feel a lot more prepared with knowing what/what not to bring with this being my third summer involved in Royal Servants.  

I got pictures printed off yesterday so that I can have reminders of my lovely family and friends from back home.  Since a lot of them are college friends...it's even making me think of good times and miss them now...and I haven't even left home yet!  :)  I'm also armed with my stack of envelopes and stamps so I can write letters to people.  Now I just need to collect addresses.  People don't realize how much getting a letter means while you're gone from home for this long.  It's like...finding a $100 bill on the ground, or biting into a donut and finding a diamond ring, or jumping in the rain puddles...basically it's awesome.  :)  So people...send me mail.  The address is on my Ireland trip facebook group or you can just message me for it.

On a different note...is it bad that I've grown accustomed to holding people to low standards so that I'm not as disappointed when they let me down?  :-\  I don't want to assume the worst in people...and I rarely do, but sometimes I get tired of people letting me down and feeling disappointed, even when it's just with little things.  I'm sure I've done it to people plenty of times myself...and that's why grace and forgiveness are such beautiful things.  :)  mmhmm...

Anyway, back to cleaning my room and generally being productive.  

-erika

to my parents...

Happy 25th Wedding Anniversary!

So even though I've only been around 20 of my parent's 25 years of wedded bliss, I can assure you that they're quite happily still in love.  It's really quite precious actually.  Sure, they still have their moments of "marriage readjustment" discussions (not arguments...) and stuff like that, but in the end love wins out.  A singular focus on Christ is evident, and they really do everything they can to express individual love to each of us kids.

So here's to the matching hairstyles, weird senses of humor, and love of 25 years.  *toasts*  Love ya Dad and Mom!!!

-erika

Happy June!

Well it's a new month.

Cool.

White rabbit to those who play that game.  :)

12 days 'til I leave for Ireland.  God is providing!!!  Keep praying!!!

On a more random note...I'm really over people's obsessions with Twilight, High School Musical, Hannah Montana, etc...  I just don't get it.  Oh well.  :-/

'til later.

-erika

blah...

I feel like my life is one giant wait...in everything: schedule, friendships, everything...

Roughly 15 days until I leave for my mission's trip (AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but until then I'm just waiting.  I still really need a lot of money for the trip, and I'm running out of people to contact and things to do to get it (be praying about that btw...).  I wake up...sit in my bed...sometimes do things in the evenings.  blah blah blah

But really all this is teaching me is intense trust in God and patience.  So in the end I can't complain.  :)

Proverbs 3:5-6

I know this is random...but it's after 1 am and I'm not tired 'cause I took a nap this afternoon (when I was sitting around doing nothing).

anyway...I don't even know.

g'night I guess.  :)

-erika

ooh Charleston

I think there's something magic in the air in Charleston.  Or at least something that makes you never want to leave when you go there.

I just got back from a weekend trip to Charleston about thirty minutes ago.  I had one of the most relaxing and fun weekends of my life.  For me, it was the perfect time to get away from home for a bit and be with people I love.  The time had this weird feel of not feeling like a visit, but rather like normal life...like I belong.  I don't get that very often anymore.

Laying on the beach will give you time to think...while you stare out at the never ending ocean and watch the waves that keep coming in.

• I discovered that I haven't really changed as much as I thought I had.  Deep down inside I'm still the same optimistic cheerful girl...it just takes a little longer to get there.  You have to dig a little deeper and peel away a lot more layers to find it.
  
• I discovered that some of the most cynical people about the romantic part of life really can find it.  *precious*
  
• I discovered that I have a really hard time opening up to people (even people that I trust) and telling them what's on my mind...until it's too late.  Now I'm just left with things that I wish I had said, but was too scared to actually let my thoughts become words.
• I discovered that country music is actually a good companion for a drive home that you don't want to be taking.  Don't hold it against me...I'm still not a country music fan.  :)

I really could keep going on...but I'm tired and need sleep badly.  *sigh*  Yay for good weekends.  Hopefully it won't be too long before it can happen again.  

Charleston, you're a magical place...don't ever change.

-Erika

h.o.m.e.

So I've been home since Saturday.  That's been good.  :)  I'm still adjusting to life at home, mostly a new sleep schedule.  I don't have to stay up 'til 2 am anymore.  haha!

I desperately need some way of making more money while I'm home.  I'm not nearly close enough to having enough for my mission's trip which is in ONE MONTH!!!  On top of that I need money to basically function (especially for gas $$).  I hate how much of life depends on money...but it's kinda reality.  Alas...

I still haven't hung out with any of my friends yet.  I have plans for Friday, and maybe meeting for coffee tonight.  That's sad...I love my friends and really want to see them.  I'm most excited about my trip to Charleston in *counts* 10ish days.  :)  

Okay...I'm gonna make my little brothers take pictures of me with my harp for publicity purposes.  That should be fun.

K bye!

-Erika

P.S. results from the harp photo shoot.  more on facebook.

Ever feel like you are viewing the world through a different spectrum then everyone else?  

Ever feel like you don't really fit in to your surroundings?  

Ever feel so different and unique that you really stand out yet still kinda belong?

Maybe it's just a matter of making different okay.

Bonus:

this video is amazing.  Love Story meets Viva la Vida via piano and cello.  This is one of those songs that it's good to just surround yourself in the music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0v3d6SFcDys

1 paper (for Ethics, Issues, and Trends in Mass Communication)

1 final test (for Pentateuch)

1 take-home test (for New Testament Literature)

all that stands between me and summertime.

now i need to be looking ahead to the job search and mission's trip prep. 

:)

All About LOVE

We hear a lot that we need to express the Gospel to other via love.  This is true; the world does need to know the truth about the love and grace of Christ and how that should dramatically change our lives.  However, in the midst of all of this I think we forget to love our Christian neighbors.  I see this really exemplified on the Bryan College campus.

Don't get me wrong, I love this school and almost everything about it.  I think the faculty and administration do a really good job of teaching us the importance of loving the world.  PCI, mission's trips, MLK service days, etc. are all practical ways that we learn how to love others.  The problem I see is that in the midst of doing all these things for the outer community as a whole we've forgotten what it means to love each other.  So perhaps when students that are struggling or aren't exceptionally strong in their faith should be receiving love and acceptance, instead they feel judgement and even rejection.  I'm not saying this is true in every case or with every person, but I keep seeing it become a trend in some areas on the BC campus and in other areas of interaction I have.  Maybe this is something we all just really need to be more aware of in our interaction with the people most directly around us and really truly love our neighbors.

well, i was all ready to get up and take a shower this morning...but it appears we don't have hot water.  so now i'm just killing time until i have to leave for my last harp lesson of the semester.  

only a few more weeks until this semester will officially be considered OVER!  between now and then there is a lot to do and accomplish.  i feel kind of bad that i'm so anxious to leave campus, but at the same time i really am just ready to go.  buuuttt...before i can i still am going to enjoy the fun things that are about to happen, especially this weekend (skate night, film festival, etc!).

hmm...i dunno what else to say.  it's morning and my brain is definitely not fully functioning.  kelly and my dorm room is a mess as usual.  but for it to be anything different would just be weird.  if you can ever see over half the floor at any given time, you know something is probably wrong.  :)  i'm not looking forward to having to pack all this stuff up though.  next semester i really will bring less.  i promise.  :)

i guess i'm gonna go eat breakfast.  that'll be good for my health.  byee!

-erika

hhhhooommmmeee!!!!!!!!!

so about 9 hours from now (roughly...and if i stay on my own personal schedule) i should be leaving to go home.  yayay!!!  i haven't been home at all since january, and only gotten to see my family when they've come to various chorale/music concerts.  so this should be a fantastic weekend...even if i do have to do homework part of the time.  a trip to charleston, easter dinner with the sarazen family, and other fun times i don't even know yet are all going to be involved so that'll make up for the homework.

i really should go to bed right now...but i think i'll stay up a little while longer.  the bags are packed (except for stuff i'll use in the morning), the ipod and phone are charging, and now maybe i am getting a little tired.  lol

homeward bound!

-erika

Is it bad that I enjoy moments I have away from school sometimes more then the ones I have at school?

Don't get me wrong...I love my friends at school and the fun times we have. But for instance, I'm off-campus this weekend...and doing absolutely nothing right now...and really liking it.

Maybe it's just nice to get away from the stress and drama that being on the B.C. Campus brings me.

I know I can't run away from the realities of life forever...but it is nice to try sometimes. Maybe I'm a bit more of a fugitive then I thought.

-erika-

Life is crazy...

There's really no other way of saying it.

I have this weird conundrum between loving college and hating college all at the same time.  This week was pretty bad...for a combination of reasons, yet at the same time it was good.  I can't explain it.

The fact that my Spring Break wasn't a "break" really caught up to me this week.  Granted, I had a good week on tour (not the best of my life by any means...but a good one nonetheless) but it really was exhausting.  Coming back to school two Sunday evenings ago was so exciting because I was getting back "home" to a place and people that I love, yet in the back of my head was the knowledge that the very next morning I would have to wake up for my 8 am history class and start the rigors of classes all over again.  

Basically every moment of this week until tonight I have had either classes, meetings, work, or homework consuming every single minute from when I woke up until when I went to bed.  Tuesday night, as I was studying for a test, I just broke down.  I was tired emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and whatever other possible way there is.  All it took for me to crack was a facebook message from my mom asking me how I was and letting me know she was praying for me and my studies.  Needless to say...I promptly called her in tears...  I've had friends tell me I just need to be able to say "no" to things.  But that's not the issue this time.  I can't say no to anything I'm involved in.  SGA, Chorale, harp lessons, my job, and classes are all things that I have to do (either by committment or requirement).  So my only real option is just to tough it out until the end of the semester, doing the best I can with the time that I'm given.  It's gotten to the point where I'm having to schedule in time to spend with God, 'cause it's just not happening consistently otherwise.

Maybe I'm feeling like I can't ever feel one complete emotion.  Every really good moment still has at least something a little bad in the background, and vice versa with the bad moments.

Maybe I feel like I don't have much control over my time or priorities.  

I'll just keep learning to deal with it I guess.  What else can I really do?

-erika

• The week after Spring Break is almost over.  Time flies...
• I have a rediscovered musical crush on Zuill Bailey.  Amazing cellist...
• I had a phone call that could have gone really bad...but it actually went good.  Grace abounds...
• I'm sitting in the hallway studying for a beast of a Fine Arts test.  What fun...
• This is just a study break, and now I have to keep going.  lol

(this was random...I know)

So I feel a little bit bad.  It's midterms week...but I don't have any.  So while my friends are stressing out and taking lots of tests and writing papers, I'm sitting around and drinking unnessarily large amounts of coffee for no reason.  My really hard week was two weeks ago, so I'm sitting fine until after Spring Break.

Chorale tour starts Friday!  I still have a lot to do to get ready for that, mostly a big Wal-Mart trip.  It should be a good tour though.  If any of you live in GA, SC, or NC let me know and I'll send you our itinerary.  My parents are coming to at least one of my concerts..and hopefully a few of my friends also!

I'm struggling with church.  Mainly because I don't have one.  And I might be about to not have one at home either.  I realized this when I was filling out my Royal Servants application and it was asking for church information...and I had a really hard time knowing which names to put down for what church I belong to.  I feel like a bit of an orphan...but I don't know how to fix the problem.  I haven't found a church close in Dayton that I really like, and I don't know if I can really drive somewhere far every week unless I had either a ride or other people with me.  Grrr...  So just be praying for this situation right now.

My intermural basketball team is playing in the championship game tonight.  I just think that's hilarious.  We were like the little reject team that is comprised of people that we all supposed to be member's of other teams that got too big.  So we're gonna play hard tonight (even if we're all feeling a bit intimidated)!  

I really should post something about how incredibly and amazinly fun my last weekend was.  A CRU formal, a Bryan Banquet, and a Chorale concert...all in consequtive days of each other.  I'll try and put up a few pictures later, but if not there are a ton on facebook.

I'm off to work!  byeee!

-erika

check this out...

Well, I'm going to Costa Rica this summer.  Yes indeed.  Royal Servants couldn't get rid of me.  This especially means that between now and June 13th I have to do a ton to get prepared and raise $2,775.  But if this is what God is calling me to do then He really will provide.  But I'm going to do every single thing in my power to enable Him to bless me.  I'm actually in the process of filling out the application right now.  I'm excited and nervous all at the same time.  For some reason, being gone for 6 weeks of my summer doesn't seem as long to me as it did when I was preparing to go to Scotland two summers ago.  "A long time" must be more of a relative term to me now...  This trip is a bit more daunting in other ways.  Mainly because I'll be a staff discipler this time, pouring myself into a small group of younger girls that will view me as their mentor/leader/big sister.  That's kinda intimidating.  But I think God has and will continue to prepare me for this challenge...and plus...learning to trust Him is something he's continually teaching me.

That's probably the biggest news in my life right now.  The rest of this stuff is just random...

I have to decide by Friday what (if any) position to run for on SGA next year.  Anything on Junior SGA is intimidating simply because of the task of planning Junior/Senior.  We'll see what decision I make though.  Either way next year will be exciting.  :)

Hmmm....I put on makeup today.  I'm trying to figure out if there's ever a rhyme or reason on the days that I actually decide to put makeup on my face.  So far I haven't come up with anything.  

The CRU Formal is this Friday and the Bryan Spring Banquet is this Saturday.  So I'll be fancy and dressed up way more this weekend then normal.  I'm super stoked about both of them.  I haven't gotten to see my CRU friends in waaayyyy too long...so that'll be fantastic.  Then for the Spring Banquet I know the boys are planning super fun things for us to do afterwards...but it's all a surprise.  Yay!  :)

I think today is Bluegrass Worship Chapel.  At least that's the going rumor.  We'll see how that goes...  :-P

later kids!

-erika 

a day of love?

Was Valentine's Day created for the guys...or the girls?  I can't quite figure this out.  Was it created so that girls could enjoy a special day of attention (chocolate, roses, and all that jazz) from the men in their life, or was it created so that guys could get away with forgetting to be sweet all the other days of the year as long as they did something precious on Valentine's Day?  Either way it all seems kinda pointless to me...but maybe that's cause I'm just spending my day doing homework.

Here's a new discovery of mine.  Covenant students don't despise Bryan College as much as we despise them.  I was talking to a student that goes to Covenant, asking him what kind of things the school did to fire up the school prior to our big games/etc.  Not really anything apparently...at least that he knew.  What does Bryan do?  1.) Buy blue cars and have pep rallies to beat them with sledgehammers and douse them with red paint.  2.) Make shirts proclaiming the the world would be a better place without Covenant.  3.) Send so many fans to away games that we outnumber the Covenant fans and make more noise then even their bagpipes.  4.) I really could keep going with this...

Well, since I have 3 tests this upcoming week, I should probably get back to studying.  haha...

-erika

life is good

this week has been good.

just take my word for it.

:)

also i've been really tired lately...even though i seem to be getting a good amount of sleep.

i dunno what's up with that.

and i'm wearing a skirt today.

i dunno what inspired me to do that.

i haven't worn a skirt for no reason in a SUPER long time.

whatev.  :)

ok...i don't have anything more interesting to put here now.

so i'm gonna sleep 'til lunch.

byeee  :)

Phun Phabulous times. :)

Last night I had an awesome birthday party thrown for me by dear friends at school (thanks Kirsten, Charlee, and everyone else!)  It had a Michael Phelps theme...which was just downright hilarious.  We watched my DVD that I got for my birthday, played Phelps trivia, ate food, hung out, etc...  Bryan Saylor made a guest appearance as Michael and did a great job.  So yeah...it was awesome...and I loved it.  THANKS EVERYONE!!!

Now it's Sunday and I have to do homework.  Ick.

i knew it...

so, the upkeep of this blog hasn't been what i anticipated or desired.  but the fact that my laptop died hasn't helped my goal of being a regular poster on here.  sorry about that.  

life has been pretty interesting lately.  i'm in the middle of at least three distinct very emotionally hard situations.  it's involved me rethinking a lot of what i thought i knew.  

"to trust" is suddenly a very unknown concept to me.  i thought i knew what it meant, i thought i had trusted the right people.  turns out i was horribly wrong.  

"friendship" is such a complex concept.  how to be a friend at the right times in the right ways is so much harder than it would seem...especially when they don't want your friendship anymore.

"awkwardness" tends to jump up in friendships from time to time and really just doesn't help anything.  why can't we just have fun like we used to, have talks like we used to, or spend the same amount of time together like we used to...without it being awkward.  oh well...part of life and emotion getting in the way of things.  :-P

in the midst of all that, i'm still having random bursts of fun and good times.  i'm on an intramural basketball team...which from what i've heard...is quite entertaining to watch me attempt to play a sport that i'm so grandly horrible at.  but i have a good team that loves me to matter how bad i am.  :)  

the desert theater just ended last week.  they did Lost in Yonkers, and it was fabulous!!!  i was so proud of everyone involved...and their time investment and hard work definitely paid off.  

i got to go home last weekend to play harp in Jeni and Matt's wedding.  kirsten came with me, and it was just a bonus that i got to be home on my birthday.  it was a great weekend with the family, the wedding was SO beautiful, and kirsten and i had some great catch-up time.  definitely worth the 12 hours in a car.

how 'bout that super bowl?  what a great football game.  too bad i didn't really super care about either team...but i ended up cheering for the cardinals just 'cause everyone else i was with was...and it made it more fun for all of us to cheer together.  fun times.  :)

well i desperately need to clean my room.  there are so many clothes all over the floor...and papers...and birthday presents...and shoes...  yeeeaaahhh...

hopefully it won't be this long before i make another post.  i'm supposed to be getting my laptop back by the end of the week.  

-erika

MLK day...and other such things

I knew that coming to college would mean that I wouldn't update this as often. And it doesn't help that my computer is currently not working (you can be praying about that actually...).

Coming back to school has still been an adjustment...but there have been a few bright spots.

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day!
First off...did you know that his name is actually Michael Luther King, Jr. but that he changed his name to Martin, thus making him not a really Jr. anymore. So I thought that was weird.
Anyway, at Bryan they have a tradition of making MLK day a huge service day, with every student participating in a project somewhere in the community. My group (Evan, Seth, Chad, Natalie, and I) went to this elderly lady's house to help her with yard work and indoor things she couldn't do herself. We knew the day was gonna be awesome when she introduced herself, "Hi, my name is Lois. I'm Superman's girlfriend." :) We got to rake her whole yard while it was snowing (magical!) and then we went inside for lunch were Lois had made us homemade brownies and blondies (with pecans from a tree in her yard) that were SO delicious! Then we cleaned her blinds, behind her fridge, things like that. She was even awesome enough to help us play a prank on some friends back at school!!! After we were done working, we all sat around and played some songs on the piano and sang along with some hymns. She was a precious lady and our whole group had such a blast serving her.

Classes/SGA/etc...
They are going well...nothing too terribly hard or interesting yet. I need to go make sure all my homework is done for tomorrow actually. :) I'm adding one more credit (Women's Chorus) which will bring my total to 18. Hopefully I won't be killing myself for the end of the semester. Been there...done that. SGA is good. Our meeting tonight was pretty fun and hilarious, while still accomplishing things. I think this semester will be a good one for us.

So that's basically all I can think of right now. I'm still hoping to make it to a CRU meeting at some point in Chatty...but that hasn't happened yet. Having no money for gas is making that a bit difficult. Alas...

My latest form of humiliation will probably be coming tomorrow night as I signed up to play on an intermural basketball team. If there's one thing that I absolutely cannot do...it's basketball...so this should be interesting. :-P

-erika

well classes have started.  oh boy!

they seem to be okay so far...but we'll see how they go once things get really started.

now that i'm back in school mode it's really hard for me to have time to really do any personal reflection or fun reading.  i don't like that.  i'm trying to find good time for myself, while still getting schoolwork done and not ignoring friends.  we'll see how that goes through the semester...

ok.  i want sleep.  it seems to be a good thing.  :)

-erika

eventful few days...

Friday

I went down to Charleston to visit Kyle.  It was the most magical perfect day ever.  

Just a few of our adventures 

included: 

-frolicking on the beach and building a sand castle as the sun was setting and a full moon was out.

-finding a spiral staircase that led up to the roof of a beautiful old house.

-eating chicken wings for dinner...and not having to worry about being a complete mess!

-wandering around downtown having deep conversations

-sitting at the pier, drinking sparkling grape juice and eating skittles while two dolphins swam around out in the harbor.

There was a lot more than this...but it would be too hard to explain.  I'm just glad I got to have some good time with Kyle before coming back to school...he's a great friend...and Charleston is freakin' amazing!  :)

Saturday/Sunday

I drove back to Tennessee.  The drive wasn't too bad...kinda long, lonely, and rainy for part of the way.  But I made it just fine.  That evening I went down to Chattanooga to go to the CRU kickoff party.  I got to see lots of friends from Encounter and have lots of fun!  They are a great group, and I hope I'll get to do a lot of stuff with them this semester.  That night I spent with Jamie and we had a great time.  

She's awesome...and just the friend I need right now.  I wish she wasn't in 

Chatty so that I could see her more...but oh well.  Sunday afternoon I just chilled and watched a 

movie with Josh before coming back to Bryan for a pancake dinner made by Beisner.  Then I finally got to see Braveheart for the first time.  SO GOOD!  :)

Monday/Tuesday

SGA retreat.  It was a good time to rebond with the whole team.  These retreats are always good...and always frustrating in a sense.  I usually come away with a lot of ideas up in my head, and things that I think we can do better, but not a solid sense of how to implement them or make real changes.  So we'll see how this all affects the rest of the semester.

So now I'm back at school.  I'm really split on whether or not I want to be here.  Classes start tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to that at all...but it will help me get in a routine I hope.  We'll see...

-erika

life update

So it's been awhile since I've done just a basic update of what's happening with the exterior of my life...rather than just my inner struggles.  :)

This whole week (since Saturday) I've been playing "mom" as my parents have been off celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary.  They went up to Boston and the New England area to get some skiing in and to just enjoy the scenery and each other's company.  Life has actually been quite fun without the parents here.  Mitch and Clark have done a good job of being responsible with their school (as far as I know) and keeping things relatively clean.  Making fun meals has been a highlight also.  Mitchell has gotten to use his cooking skills to make us soup, garlic bread, pumpkin pie, and an assortment of other random goodies.

I've been able to enjoy some fun times with friends throughout this week also, though not too much since most of them have already left for school.  Tomorrow I'm hoping to make a trip down to the beautiful Charleston to visit Kyle...and maybe some other friends...and have epic adventures and some last fun times before I leave for school on Saturday morning.  

My bedroom is a mess.  I basically just opened my suitcase when I got home for break and the clothes exploded out...and have stayed that way for the past three weeks.  Though I think the pile has gotten bigger, or maybe just expanded.  :)  So one of my projects over today and tomorrow is to attempt to pack everything back in my car for the trek to Tennessee.

Once I get back to school I need to make some fairly weighty decisions.  A change of major, possible involvement with Student Government for next year, and plans for next summer all are being mulled about in my mind.  So we'll see what happens with all that.

Anyway...I think that's about it...that I can think of for now anyway.  :)  

Life goes on...

-erika

Imagine if you were a goldfish.  Life in a bowl.  Everything you could possibly need is there: water, food, some fun green plants, light, a place to swim around.  But at the same time you can look outside your little world and see possibilities, places you want to go, people you want to meet, things you want to accomplish.  You feel like life is one big staring contest: people constantly watching you to see what you'll do with your life...while all you do is just watch them back.  Perhaps life would be better out of your bowl, but what you don't realize is that you would never survive.  Outside of the environment that you've been placed you wouldn't have the water, food, fun green plants, light, and a place to swim around.  Sure you might have other things...but not what you really need for survival.  

Or what if your life was like this dancer's.  You are beautiful, graceful, able to perform in extraordinary ways that dazzle and amaze your audience.  But the whole time you're dancing you're on a wire.  As long as you can stay on that small thin line you're okay...but as soon as you make one small mistake you fall.  There is no room for error, no possible way that you can change your routine or improvise, no way to get down until you make it to the other side...or else you risk falling and failure.  Crowds of people watch you, stunned by your seeming ease and confidence, not knowing that in reality your heart is pounding, your palms are sweating, and your knees are shaking.  If you can just make it to the other side, you'll be okay.

In some ways, I am the goldfish and the dancer.  Sometimes I think being at home this long with not much to do gives me too much time to think and analyze my life.  Don't get me wrong...I love my life.  But at the same time it can be really awful.  Yesterday was an example of that.  I have super mixed feelings about going back to school this semester.  But I can't escape it...I'll be back on the Bryan College campus on Saturday, whether I like it or not.  I'm excited because it'll be a new year, new classes, new opportunities, new experiences and renewal of friendships.  At the same time all those things that are wonderful are equally frightening.  But I don't need to be apprehensive or fearful.  God is my sustenance, my contentment in the fish bowl, the steady hand and support on the high wire.  No matter how much I fear...God is there to guide and protect me.  I know all this in my head, now why can't it translate to my heart.

maybe you could call this a rant...

So this morning I was reading back through my notes from Encounter08, along with reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller.  The combo of these two things kinda sparked a lot of thought on my part...which will probably result in more posts like this in the future.  We'll see.

Blue Like Jazz is probably one of my new favorite books...and I'm not even completely done with it yet.  Maybe I relate to it because the author, Donald Miller, deals with things in a real and authentic way, not accepting Christianity because you should or because it's the right thing to do.  I've grown up in a Christian home my whole life, became a Christian when I was 3, and still never struggled with making my faith my own or only being a Christian because my parents said to.  Still, I want to know why I believe what I believe.  

At Encounter08 Crawford Loritts said, "When you try and make Jesus like us, you take away who He is."  I think Christianity today makes this weird and twisted picture of who Jesus is and what this "religion" should mean to us.  Through all of that we forget that we are all just sinners in desperate need of a Savior.  Miller writes, "I know now, from experience, that the path to joy winds through this dark valley.  I think every well-adjusted human being has dealt squarely with his or her own depravity.  I realize this sounds very Christian, very fundamentalist and browbeating, but I want to tell you this part of what the Christians are say is true.  I think Jesus feels strongly about communicating the idea of our brokenness, and I think it is worth reflection.  Nothing is going to change in the Congo until you and I figure out what is wrong with the person in the mirror."

Maybe a lot of my newfound adoration for this book has to do with the sense of complacency or normaility that I've felt with Christianity lately.  I live in a Christian world, have Christian friends, go to a Christian school, have a Christian home...the list goes on.  So my life should be perfect right?  It's not.  Miller doesn't try and pretend like life is okay, or that it even necessarily should be.  He wrestles through a lot of issues in a real and honest way.  Christianity isn't this perfect fairy tale or child's story.  Miller puts it this way, "The magical proposition of the gospel, once free from the clasps of fairy tale, was very adult to me, very gritty like something from Hemingway or Steinbeck, like something with copious amounts of sex and blood.  Christianity spirituality was not a children's story.  It wasn't cute or neat.  It was mystical and odd and clean, and it was reaching into dirty.  There was wonder in it and enchantment."  Sure, I'm sure the pristine view of God dressed in a white robe surrounded by children and lambs has it's place...but let's not forget that HE IS GOD!  The beauty is that He is full of justice and wrath, and mercy and love, and power and dominion, and calm and compassion...all at the same time!

One definition of the Gospel that was presented at Encounter08 put it well:  "The Gospel is that I am far more sinful than I ever before believed, but in Christ I am more loved and accepted than I ever dared hope."  Let's not forget this...maybe then our Christianity would be more authentic, raw, and real.

Encounter08 - Christ the Redeemer

My brother and I just returned from the Campus Crusade Christmas conference in Greensboro, NC.  This was something my parents used to go to back when they were first in college and then on staff with Crusade, so they "gently encouraged" Jered and me to go.   I didn't know what to expect in going, since we've never actually done anything with Campus Crusade except for the normal "staff kid" things...but never as a participant.  

Honestly, I hated it for about the first 48 hours.  Being surrounded by over 1,000 college students...and yet knowing no one (except your own brother) was an extremely lonely feeling.  Normally I can make friends pretty quickly, but in this circumstance, pretty much everyone already knew other people since they came in groups from their respective college campuses...leaving me out of the loop.  It wasn't until some people from the SC Upstate group called me up (since their leader knew my dad) and asked me to join them that I had a campus group to do things with.  My two roommates (from UTC) also started inviting me to do things with their group also.  That's when things got fun.

I definitely bonded with the UTC group more, which is good for me since I can now still hang out with them once I'm back at Bryan.  They were a group that loved to have random and crazy fun...which pretty much describes what I like to do also.  :)  Just a few of the highlights include: playing card games and board games 'til the wee hours of the morning, intense games of "I have never...", having a slumber party in the hotel hallway, dancing 'til we thought we'd die, and the list goes on...  I love and adore each and every one of them.

New Year's Eve presented an amazing experience also.  Praise and Worship started at about 11:30 or so...and lasted 'til about 11:50.  From then until past midnight, we all prayed together.  It was weird at first having a moment of peace and calm when normally you'd be loud and crazy, but praying in the new year was so refreshing.  After that time was more intense praise and worship and just being a huge body of Christ rejoicing together (with mosh pits, crowd surfing, and strobe lights).  Then...we transitioned into the dance party.  For about the next 3ish hours we danced until we couldn't anymore.  It was kinda weird that we were at a Christian conference, and yet dancing and having fun.  :-P  I'm so glad one group finally realizes that you're not gonna get pregnant by dancing, and that there's actually good fun involved in it.  The UTC kids definitely know how to "get it on"...and we were probably having the most fun of anyone out there.  Yay!

I didn't hear from God in any HUGE way this week...like I think a lot of people did.  But it was a good reminder of some things I'd forgotten.  Christ is the Redeemer...and I don't always see how much that should change my life.  Hopefully I'll get to start being involved in the UTC Campus Crusade group, and maybe even bring some of it to the Bryan campus.  I think that would be awesome.  :)

So now I'm exhausted since I basically got like 9 hours sleep total the last three nights of the conference.  But it was worth it.  :)  

-erika